Goodbyes,hearts,horcruxes, and second chances

I knew goodbyes were a part of joining the Peace Corps. The goodbyes to my friends and family back home when I left Iowa and the goodbyes I’ll have to do in 15 months with my new friends and family when I leave this place that has also become my home. Something that didn’t occur to me when I embarked on this journey were the goodbyes I’d being doing during service. Already said goodbye to the 16ers who left in November, while I wasn’t close to any of them, they were all fun, bright spirited people who I wished I had more time with. Then there are the people in my training group (19ers) who I’ve had to say goodbye to many times over; after saying swearing in we all parted ways into different parts of the country, while I have seen some of the group on various vacations or trainings there are some I have not seen since November and also have had to say goodbye to one wonderful 19er, Samuel, who left the Peace Corps a couple months ago. There are also the silent goodbyes on the occasional mornings when I open my eyes and realize it was just a dream- this realization can be just as painful as the original goodbye. In 3 months the 17ers will be leaving the country and I cannot imagine what Peru will be like without them. One 17er, Kim, said something as a joke a few weeks ago…as it was a Harry Potter reference it of course resonated with me….we were discussing the lifestyle of living abroad, my instant thought was that it’s something I would like to continue doing after service, then Kim said, “I think living abroad has taught me that I need to be grounded, when you live abroad it’s like leaving horcruxes all around the world.”  For the less fortunate who do not know what a horcrux is, I will not dive into a long drawn out explanation even though I am inclined to do so, in short- it is an object in which you conceal a part of your soul, while dangerous, your heart can be split into many different objects, the more often you split your soul the more it unstable it becomes. I have a lot of time to think things over and have turned it over in my mind many times…when you live in many places it does feel like leaving a part of your heart behind however not in objects, but in the people you meet and places discovered. It is a double edged sword in that, when you are live in such a way where you are always meeting new people, sometimes making a wonderful instant connection with them, a piece of you is left behind and if you are to part ways there may be a part of your heart that feels split forever. I am certain of the fact that I want to travel and see more of the world but I think what Kim said holds true, Harry Potter reference aside, you leave a bit of your heart behind in every new place explored, whether it is tucked away in the mountains in a beautiful lagoon or in someone met just in passing but inspired you to dance, to sing, to take action, or simply changed you even if only for a second. Home is where the heart is... home is when I’m with you... while I do feel lucky to be able to call so many places and people home, it leaves one feeling homesick more so than a person who stays in one spot. 

DRAMATIC TOPIC CHANGE >>>

From the facebook status of my fellow 19er Casey Lubbert:

As I was riding the overcrowded minivan back to Pátapo, the old man next to me caught me staring at his wrist. His long sleeves snuck up his arm just enough to reveal massive scars perpendicular to his arm. I felt his gaze fall upon mine, so I jerked my head upward in a failed attempt to act inconspicuous. His dark, sad eyes looked right through me “isn’t that horrible?” he said “I used to be very depressed as a kid and I cut myself.” I looked him in the eyes and told him “it’s not horrible at all. it would be horrible if one of those cuts had taken your life. It would be horrible if you didn’t have a second chance to learn from the mistakes of your adolescence. I made countless mistakes in my youth. I was so consumed by alcohol that I would drink until I blacked out almost every night. Although I don’t have scars on my wrist, my behavior was just as suicidal. I was throwing up blood and had unbelievably terrible nightmares for weeks when I finally made the decision to quit. I don’t look at those mistakes as horrible. They inspire me to learn from my past and they unremittingly motivate me to be a better person. Too many people die young and don’t get that second chance to learn from their past. We, on the other hand, are so lucky. In honor of the good people who have lost their lives to depression, addiction, or drug/alcohol abuse, let’s be thankful that we had this opportunity to meet each other. Be thankful for everything and everyone, every single day.” The old man never broke eye contact with me. After a few moments he gave a genuine smile and a tear fell down his cheek. He gave me a hug and we rode the next half hour side by side without saying another word.

Second chances. It’s the best gift that life has to give. I am so lucky to know such a great person like Casey and to know so many great volunteers here in Peru. I have told Casey countless times that he needs to be a motivational speaker; I am always so awe-inspired not just by what he says but it’s the way he says things, he is so positive and so open hearted and I hope you take a moment to consider his words: “Be thankful for everything and everyone, every single day.”

The USB charger for my camera has stopped working but my dear friend Erin brought me back a wall charger and will now be posting more pictures now that I can finally charge my camera!

Here are some pictures from my  last trip – photo credits to Erin Chapman 

Llanganuco, Ancash

Huaraz, Ancash at sunset

Huascaran

Jesus Statue-Yungay, Ancash

This homes here are relatively new, in the 1970s there was an earthquake that caused an avalanche that covered the entire city,
Yungay, Ancash

memorial of Yungay

Horcrux left here, Llanganuco

I'm on a boat- YAH!

yes, the water really looked like that

Poem "Some People" by Flavia Weedn which I think is very revelant to my blog post today. 

Some people come into our lives
and leave footprints on our hearts
and we are never ever the same.

Some people come into our lives
and quickly go...Some stay for a while
and embrace our silent dreams.

They help us become aware
of the delicate winds of hope...
and we discover within every human spirit
there are wings yearning to fly.

They help our hearts to see that
the only stairway to the stars
is woven with dreams...
and we find ourselves
unafraid to reach high.

They celebrate the true essence
of who we are...
and have faith in all
that we may become.

Some people awaken us
to new and deeper realizations...
for we gain insight
from the passing whisper of their wisdom.

Throughout our lives we are sent
precious souls...
meant to share our journey
however brief or lasting their stay
they remind us why we are here.

To learn...to teach...to nurture...to love.

Some people come into our lives
to cast a steady light
upon our path and guide our every step
their shining belief in us
helps us to believe in ourselves.

Some people come into our
lives to teach us about love...

The love that rests within ourselves.

Let us reach out to others
and feel the bliss of giving
for love is far richer in action
than it ever is in words.

Some people come into our lives
and they move our souls to sing
and make our spirits dance.

They help us to see that everything on earth
is part of the incredibility of life...
and that it is always there
for us to take of its joy.

Some people come into our lives
and leave footprints on our hearts
and we are never ever the same.

Love you all, peace, hugs, and kisses.