Please forgive me; this isn’t in any order that really makes sense,
just sharing my last moments in Pimentel and also my life since being back. Enjoy.
I cannot believe it’s been nearly
2 months since I left mi querido Pimentel.
I also can’t believe how quickly it felt like a dream and was certain I hallucinated.
However it quickly comes back to me that I was gone for two years in a
developing country when I walk into a building and complain about how freezing
it is with AC on, how I mentally cringe when people throw away food that could
have been eaten (I’m not saying I always finish everything on my plate, nor do
I expect that but I just notice more how excessive waste is in this country),
how walking into COSTCO nearly made me fall to my knees, throwing my TP in the
trash can for the first several weeks, there are a plethora of things that take
getting adjusted to but I’m getting there.
It has taken me so long to write this not because I’ve been
so busy or have been trying to craft a wonderfully written piece about the end
of my service but rather, I just couldn’t. I couldn’t bring myself to process
it all, like writer’s block. I don’t do it as often or as well as I’d like but
I tend to process my emotions by writing them down. There were so many
conflicting emotions about me leaving one home for another home, everything was
so fresh, the goodbyes and tears vs. America- so shiny and new, hugging and
loving on my friends and family members.
Two months of being
back have flown by but I know that my Peace Corps experience is going to stay
with me for the rest of my life. It has changed the very core of me. I am a
stronger, more independent, confident woman. I can’t say there aren’t things I
wish I had done differently during my two years as a Peace Corps volunteer but
I will never regret my decision to do Peace Corps. The Peruvians in Pimentel
will always have a special place in my heart, they taught me so many things
about love and family, giving, acceptance, compassion, humility, solidarity,
the list goes on and on. I can say without hesitation that I have met some of
my soul mates during this two year journey. Not the kind of soul mates in a
Nicholas Sparks novel but the kind of soul mates that inspire you to be a
better person, when you look at them you are in awe of their strength and
ability to overcome adversity, the kind of people who will laugh with you
through your tears of anger and frustration, to ease the pain the of being away
from our American life. For the rest of my life when I meet someone who was a Peace
Corps volunteer (and enjoyed it) we will share a tiny connection, a love for
the country we served in for two years, maybe a joke about how awful the
transportation was (I’m fairly certain doesn’t vary much); I know that not
everyone has a great experience, some people have an ok experience and stay,
some hate it and leave but my hope is that everyone is proud of themselves for
even trying.
I don’t consider myself “moving on” from my Peace Corps
experience. It’s a part of me now; it’s not that this chapter of my life is over,
it’s continuous, I will stay in contact with my family and friends in Pimentel
and of course my PCV loves, I will forever be sharing stories of life in Peru.
I’m certain I wouldn’t have gotten the job I have now without my experience as
a PCV, the lady who hired me told me that was a huge reason she wanted to
interview me. It’s not my forever job, it’s not something I imagined myself
doing- being on the phone in front of a computer all day with clients vs having
face to face interactions with them but I know that it’s going to help me get
to where I want to go. I know that I would have never appreciated being back in
Des Moines so much; if I had done grad school right after college I doubt I
would have come back to Des Moines for such a long period of time (I’m planning
a year while I apply to schools) and reconnected with old friends….There’s a
new man in my life, at the risk of being very vague, I’ll just say I’m happy when
I’m with him, it’s very new and right now I’m not looking for a happy ending
here but I’m definitely enjoying the new beginning.
Saying goodbye
For the first year you count up “I’ve been here for 1 month,
2 mo, 3 mo…” then at the second year, you count down “I’ve got 6 months, 5 mo,
4 mo…” Then it’s the final three months and all 36 of us head to Lima for final
med checks, all together processing that
we are so close to finishing.
In those final months I was so ready to go, I had
mentally packed everything I was taking back with me, I had started applying
for jobs, I planned my last vacation days, spent time eating my favorite foods
and hanging out with my favorite people…it’s not that I wasn’t sad about
leaving my Pimentel home or that I didn’t have little mini panic attacks about
coming back, How would I fit in with my
friends? Or Would I get a job? Or Oh, god
NO ONE is going to date me, I’m soooo weird, all those thoughts and many
others crossed my mind but I was positively giddy about seeing all my friends
and family in the U. S. of A. I had
honestly burnt myself out, by those final months I just wanted to be home, it
wasn’t until my final weeks in my Peruvian home that I was actually devastated
about leaving and it hit me that I was not likely to come back for a few years.
Watching my host family run around the house getting things
ready for my farewell party the night before my departure was humbling. I
walked into my host sister’s home and hugged her tightly after I saw all the
food and decorations they prepped for it, I had given them money for the party
but they went above and beyond my expectations-I knew full well that the entire
family pulled together their finances to help put a little extra towards this shin dig. I won’t go into all the
details of the party but I can just say it was not a night I will be
forgetting. After the toast, I addressed
my family and friends-I could barely keep it together, it took every bit of my
strength to not cry in this moment, feeling love exude from my Peruvian family
and friends in the room. Later one of my host sisters came up to me and said “We
were all waiting for you to cry when you gave that speech, we knew that the
minute that you started crying we would be too, but since you were so strong we
knew we could be strong too.” My tears were for the next day, that night was
for laughter and dancing.
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I could feel tears start to sting the corners of my eyes as
I set all my packed luggage outside of my bedroom to be hauled to the bus station in under an
hour, then looking around the room that I had made my comfort zone for two
years… it was jarring. By this time, many of my host family members had
starting filling up the front of the house waiting for to me to finish, to say
their final goodbyes and some waiting to
accompany me to the bus station. I made
my way to them and we began posing for pictures and this is the point where I
let go. Tears flowed freely; you’ll see in these photos that I am red nosed and
red eyed. I have no shame, these are beautiful pictures, it signifies how much
these people mean to me and the impact they have made on my life.
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A small group
of us made our way to the bus station including my host mom and some of my host
sisters and brothers. I was exhausted and done crying. Sitting in the car on
the way to Chiclayo, I felt like there were no more tears to be had, I had
dried myself out. When we got to the bus station some of my friends had met us
there, one of them being a fellow PCV and I said to him, “I don’t think I’m
going to cry again, I’m so tired.” Soon, the bus was calling to board and I
started hugging everyone individually, it wasn’t until I was hugging my
unbelievably sweet host niece who was basically like my sister, that I
completely lost it. I was blubbering by this point, then at last when I hugged
my mother goodbye, I was incomprehensible, all I did was wail “maaaaaaamaaaaaaaaaaaa”.
Nope not dramatic at all. I boarded the bus a snotty mess, once I sat down in
my seat, I looked out the window and my family and friends were all waving to
me from the door, blowing kisses and taking
pictures. “How
lucky I am to have something that makes saying goodbye so hard.”
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The following days in Lima leading up to my departure were a
scramble of paperwork and goodbyes between volunteers who chose July 15th
as our last day as a Peace Corps Volunteer. . Peru 19ers, I will always always
carry a special place in my heart for these 36 humans who boarded the plane
with me from Miami to Lima on June 8th, 2012 and finished their two
years of work in Peru.
Finally, on July 16th, I sat on the
plane back to America…a truly tremendous feeling knowing I had accomplished
something really incredible-no I didn’t’ really bring change you can see, or if
I did, I won’t know, but I had real
relationships with people who were once strangers, community members who became
family, loving each other and sharing our cultures… I leaned back and thought, nailed it
