Last month

The end of April, all of May and half of June have gone by rapidly.  The past couple months have been a whirlwind of emotions-self-doubt, excitement, sadness, panic, and now working my way to acceptance of the finality of my service. When I reflect back to two years ago I had little idea of what my life would be like as a Peace Corps volunteer. I imagined living in the middle of nowhere with no electricity and going to the nearby well to collect water while little children followed me around town. Suffice it to say I went into this experience rather blindly. Two months of training in Chaclacayo-Lima, Peru and the only response we got about what our lives would be was “it depends.” I remember hearing that phrase so much it annoyed and angered me but I had gotten myself into this and no way a little mystery was going to scare me away. When I finally got my site assignment and heard I’d be moving to a beach town, I think my first thought was uhhhh what? Two years later I have accepted that phrase, it really just fucking depends. It didn’t matter if my fellow volunteers lived 5 minutes or 24 hours away; they had entirely different experiences and for so long that was bane of my PCV existence. I would grit my teeth and turn green with jealousy looking on the facebook pages of my fellow PCVs of the work they had accomplished. But another volunteer pointed out, they post what they want you to see and they could be struggling just as much as you behind closed doors. It made me feel better but still doubtful. Now, I do admit I have doubt left in my heart about whether or not I was the best volunteer I could be. However with the help of my amazing volunteer friends, I have realized that I need to be proud of what has been done. I lived away from home for two years; sacrificing comfort and being perpetually lonely much of the time but at the same time sustaining a bond with my host family that will stay in my heart for the rest of my life. I attempted to create projects in my site, no, they didn’t all succeed, but I did try, maybe not as hard as I could of or as hard as another volunteer could have but I was here, I did this thing and I’m a better person for this experience and I am proud of me.

I’m sitting in a hostel in Chachapoyas, Amazonas, at the foot of the northern jungle, on my last vacation as a PCV, with one of my best volunteer friends Gioconda, trying to keep warm and thinking about how little time there is left. 1 Volunteer Report File, 1 Final Community Report (written in Spanish), 1 Description of service, 1 month rent to pay, a dozen or so items on my bucket list (some include learning how to make my fav Peruvian dishes to share with ya’ll) and so many farewells left between me and home. It’s like reverse when I was getting ready to leave the states, packing my things, doing all the things I will miss before saying goodbye. It’s a strange strange feeling to have for so much time longed for home in the states, now certain that I’ll feel this longing back when I’m at home. Friends back home, I will need your patience and love when I return probably more so than while I was here. Wish me luck on my last month in site. Can’t wait for those abrazos from everyone!!!!